Meet Madelana

Special Guest Expert - Madelana Ferrara: Video automatically transcribed by Sonix

Special Guest Expert - Madelana Ferrara: this mp4 video file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.

Daniel Aaron:
What does it take to create a vibrant, thriving life? First, the sad news is that Thoreau was right. Most people are leading quiet lives of desperation, lacking in meaning, fulfillment, and vitality. But we choose more. We choose to create extraordinary lives and the art of vibrant living. Show entertains you with inspiration, empowerment and education to create your life into a masterpiece. It's time. Let's vibe up. Hello my friends, welcome to the show! I'm so excited that you are here. We have the blessing of this time together. I am Daniel Aaron and this is the Art of Vibrant Living show. This show in particular is going to be super cool, very informative and enlightening, in part because my guest today is really a powerful, unusual, cool woman. I'll tell you more about her in a second. First, why are you here? Would you do this? Okay, I'm guessing you are here because you've got not just an interest in upgrading the quality of life, more vibrancy, more of a thriving, passion filled, purposeful life. Right? That's what you're here for. You're committed enough that you're spending this time. So would you take one further commitment and promise to me? Promise to yourself, really, that you will take something from this show some bit of information, inspiration, something that Madalena says, something that awakens for you and put it into action in your life. Not just entertainment. Entertainment. It's cool. Actually. Take something and activate it in your life because that's what moves the needle. That's where the rubber meets the road. Enough analogies. Madalena Ferreira is a phenomenal woman. Was so cool that she is our guest today. Not only does she have a background in somatics, in yoga, in sort of the physical aspect of spirituality, she's also a spiritual minister, and she's got another foot in the world of what do we want to call it, sacred commerce, conscious business, spiritual entrepreneurship. She's in that journey and so wisely and beautifully and generously, because she knows that in order to help more people, to achieve more enlightenment on the planet, it takes doing it in a conscious, business oriented, entrepreneurial way. And I could say so much more about her, though. Let's have you receive the direct blessing of her directly. So welcome, welcome, welcome, Madalena. Thank you for being with us.

Madelana Ferrara:
Hi, Daniel. Hi, everyone. I'm so happy to be here. I'm really excited to be with you, Daniel.

Daniel Aaron:
Oh, awesome. Well, it's a gift. And, you know, I gave a quick bit of introduction to our audience about you already, though I lacked much color and important pieces. So would you, you know, give just a little bit of a quick background as to what what's brought you to this point and who you are and what informs what you share with us.

Madelana Ferrara:
Um, I will do my best to do that in a really short little segment. Um, as I had indicated in my in my bio, the the path was really winding to get here. And ultimately I think when I think about it. Um, the journey was really about learning to listen to my inner guidance. And that is a practice. So I have some experience in the world of the arts as a singer and a little bit of an actress. And then, believe it or not, I ended up in business school. And I worked on Wall Street for a little while, so I did get some real, actual business experience. And then I ended up in the world of yoga. Yoga led me into this path of being. Well, actually, I went back to graduate school, so I did have I did go back to school to study the body. And then the body led me into yoga. And then yoga led me into deeper spirituality. But truthfully, Daniel, if I really have to be honest about what propelled me out of Wall Street and into this life that you and I are leading. It was meditation. I started meditating. And didn't even realize until many years later that the thing that was the impetus for my changing my life was really just sitting twice a day. 20 minutes meditating. So. Here we are.

Daniel Aaron:
Thank you. Well that's great. I appreciate what you said. And you don't have to be honest, you know, by any means, however. Right. It's one of the things we know well that without that, nothing really works in life. So I appreciate that you share some of that. Yeah. Multiple lifetimes I think is the way one could look at it, like you've really had different experiences to, to to have a lifetime where you're on Wall Street and in that world and then, you know, going and then the deep dive into the body and graduate school and that leading you into spirituality, that we could talk for hours about that alone, though what you said in that moment of honesty about meditation is what led you. That brings to me the question. Meditation is so important and it's such a vital part of life. Like when I was a kid, I knew in my head that moving the body and exercise was a good thing, but nobody in my family did that. So we were just like sedentary, fat people. And and that really sucked and really limited how much we could live. I just like I knew it in my head, but I didn't have the practice. And I think that's similar for a lot of people. Right. Almost everybody in the world will say, oh yeah, meditation is good. Yeah, meditation is really important. I should be doing that. And yet a lot of people somehow have a block or haven't crossed the bridge into making that part of their their life and their practice. So would you would you say something about what does it actually mean, or what does it mean to you, meditation. And how do you work with it? What does it do for you?

Madelana Ferrara:
Well, it's funny what you just shared about your childhood. It just propelled me back for a moment to a it's not on the topic of meditation at all, but just propelled me back to a moment of I'm going to date myself here, but Jack LaLanne Saturday mornings on the television and, you know, always exercising with him. Um, so yeah, that, that, that need to be physically active. Don't how you didn't take it out of your mind and into your body when there was such a strong calling for it is is curious to me, but. We don't have to go there. I will say that I started meditating on a fluke, like it was just my first husband was seeing a therapist who recommended meditation, and I think he was an amazing therapist. He was really wise, man. And I know that that my husband, who I was, I'm still he's my best friend. Um, and I hope he's out there watching. Um, really love this man. And he gave us such great advice. But one one day he came home and he said, I'm going to do this meditation thing. And I said, oh, I'll, I'll go, not really even knowing what that meant. And we were initiated into transcendental meditation. And it was simple practice, you know. Nothing. Nothing elaborate. Nothing that felt like, like spiritual or, you know, was always a little touchy about that kind of thing. But it was twice a day, 20 minutes. And I have to say, I loved it. I did it with great devotion and regularity, even to the point where, like, if I had to be somewhere and I was driving, I would drive and get there a little bit early and sit in my car in the parking lot to make sure at 5:00 I was there to do my 20 minutes of meditation. And little by little things started to change in my life. So it wasn't until many, many years later that I traced backwards to realize just how powerful that simple practice transcendental meditation, for those of you who don't know, is a simple mantra practice. You're given a mantra. And presumably it's, you know, a mantra that is, you know, is for you, customized for you, and you just repeat this sound in your mind.

Madelana Ferrara:
Throughout. And it's a it's a, you know, there's a training process to learn how to do it so that you feel competent and confident in doing it. And. And then that's it. You stop and you go about your day, you finish whatever you know. You do it in the morning. You do it in the evening or in the late afternoon. And before I knew it, I was leaving my job. Going back to grad school. Changing my whole entire career. Um, my first husband and I separated. Got. We ended our marriage. I was in a whole new life within. I don't know. Within. Seven years of starting meditation. I've literally a whole new life. My life didn't look anything like it looked seven years earlier.

Daniel Aaron:
Wow. Okay. And that's great. I love that you go ahead.

Madelana Ferrara:
I don't want to scare people from meditation. It's it was one. It's it's like the discovery of yourself, your true self.

Daniel Aaron:
Yeah. Meditation is great. All you do is 20 minutes in the morning, and then you're going to get divorced and change your life and sold. Yes, I'm in. But you know, I appreciate what you're saying. And you don't want to scare people at the same time. Like I used to lead these yoga teacher trainings like, and really, to me, they were thinly disguised personal and spiritual development, deep dive transformational events. And I realized after the first one I led that it was worthwhile to make some warnings. So we had a, you know, a web page. This was going back like 20 years, but we had a web page that said, hey, here, you know, here's what we're doing, here's the event. And and then it was like, warning, you know, first warning, this is not just a chill out. Come have a vacation and sit by the pool like this is work. Second warning this will mess your life up, right? If you do this, the parts of your life that, if we're really honest about it, don't thrill us aren't totally working. But we've gotten used to them. They provide some sense of security, some sense of stability. And, you know, there's a part of us that craves that and holds on to that. If though you transform and if you embrace your real potential, who you really are, well, it's going to break your old life. Things are going to fall apart, which, if you're committed to growth, to being your truest self, is awesome and beautiful. Though if you're not, it's, you know, it's it's it's challenging. So I appreciate that you don't want to scare people. And you know, we can just call it like it is. It just depends on what you want. Right?

Madelana Ferrara:
For sure. Remember those warnings I remember giving workshops and having, you know, my my first teacher was a shaman and she was very like mysterious. And so we would always say, you know, don't do this if you don't want anything in your life to change. And it's really true, you know. But you do have to be willing to embrace the change because it will happen. Yeah. There's no question about it.

Daniel Aaron:
Absolutely. Well, and there's a lot less pain if we embrace it rather than resist it. So let me ask you this though, because what you described may sound a little bit mysterious to some people. Some people are like, yeah, I've had that experience. Though part of what you describe is like all I did was, you know, sit and have a mantra and we could talk about mantra as well. That's an important, juicy component. But, you know, I sat I had a mantra. I did it in a consistent, regular way, twice a day, 20 minutes a day. And within years, which, you know, in one way sounds like a short time and another way sounds like a long time. But I think part of what you're saying also is like, I didn't do anything else necessarily to recreate myself, yet I became a new person. I had a new life because of this practice. And you know, and I know that you're a. Conscious and intelligent woman. You've written a book. You've studied this stuff. You've done deep dives. You're not just like the average yoga teacher. No insult intended to the average yoga teacher, though. How does that work? What do you think? Is this the process?

Madelana Ferrara:
Well, I think what if I think back, what happened at first was I started to become really honest with myself. I was in a job. That was really stressful, really stressful, and I was in this job. Because it was like a, it was like a, a goal job that people people want this job. And was the. Um. Controller. The controller for the systems division of A of a major brokerage house. Wall Street brokerage house. And this job was so stressful. It was literally like doing the work of three people. And I would leave my house to be at my at my desk at 730 in the morning. And sometimes I wouldn't leave my house. I mean, leave my job until 9:00 at night. So in that life, it was just like, there's no room for anything else. Now you're working for your paycheck. And probably for the time it was a good paycheck. But I would say for this, for the exchange of what was going on, there it was. I was really largely underpaid. And had a lot of enemies, like people didn't want to, you know, here I am, this nice, sweet girl who just wants to, like, get the information she needs to do the job. And the sweetness doesn't really work because these are all, like, gruff, you know, curmudgeonly guys who've been on Wall Street for a long time. And they're just like, they're just cutthroat. And. And there were some women. Colleagues that I had. And this is really kind of funny because the day that I quit. So I worked for the chief information officer and think about like, that's a pretty high position in a company. Um. The day that I quit. Three women came to me and said, I admire you so much. I wish I had the courage to do what you just did. I didn't know what to make of that. Because for me, it felt like I'm just saving my own life. I got to get out of here. Because if I don't stop doing this, it's going to kill me. So I just got really honest with myself because meditation wouldn't let me lie to myself anymore.

Madelana Ferrara:
And then what did that mean? That meant I had to figure out what did I really want to do. And so I was fortunate to be married to someone who was very supportive. And also said if you didn't get out of that job, we were going to be divorced and, you know, in six months. So. So was also saving my marriage. Um, and I said, you know, I've always loved the body. I've always been interested in the body. I've always been kind of exercise has been important, nutrition has been important. And all these things that have been important to me, I need to do something that will allow me to focus on that. And so I just chose to go back to school for exercise science. And then that that was a whole nother doorway. So you go through a doorway, right? It's like clicking on a on a button on a website, and you're in a whole nother world, and you go through that doorway and you're in that world for a while, and then other worlds start to open up for you. So it's an exciting prospect. You know, it sounds scary when you think about it like, oh, my life didn't look anything like it did seven years earlier. But there was a lot of excitement and rich, juicy learning that was going on during that time. And I'm sure that it's because meditation wouldn't let me pretend that I was happy when I wasn't happy anymore.

Daniel Aaron:
Well, had you tried using drugs and alcohol? Because I hear that's very effective.

Madelana Ferrara:
I did try that. That wasn't working for me either. Yeah.

Daniel Aaron:
Funny how that goes. Right. Well, and, you know, I love so much of what you said there. I love and it's it's great irony there that you were in a job where you were the controller. Right. And control is one of the great illusions that we all have about life, that we can really control life. And and part of that is this, this clinging to some, again, illusory sense of certainty about the world. And and I love the way you describe what what the meditation did for you is made it so you couldn't you couldn't deny what was really true any longer. It brought you to face yourself. It brought you a level of awareness that somehow in the busyness, even though it was painful, you were able to stay away from. There's these psychological principles of willful blindness, right? It's a psychological limitation that all humans have in some way, which is like, like, oh, I don't want to face that thing. I'm just going to pretend it's not there in whatever coping mechanism we have for it. And. The. What I want to get to, though, is what those women said to you. I wish I had the courage to do what you did. Right. And so one thing that's great about that is, well, no doubt you gave them more courage, right? Just by them saying that and seeing your modeling, whether they did what you did or not, their courage went up. So that was a gift. That was cool. What though? Would you say? What? Okay. So you were driven by the pain or the fear of your husband saying, get out of there or we're done, right. And you didn't want to be done. So you were driven by that. But still, it took courage and those women saw it. How did you find that courage? What what how do how does anybody find courage to do something difficult like that? Mm.

Madelana Ferrara:
Courage, of course. As you know, is a. Is a. An act of the heart. And whether I realized it at that time or not. I think that what began to happen was I began to have a relationship with that part of me, which I now will call my heart. Um, where I could hear that inner voice. I couldn't hear that inner voice before that because. There were so many shoulds. You know, I should be this way. I should be that way. There were so many things that I was being directed to do, based on what other people thought that I should be doing, or what I thought that other people thought I should be doing. And this idea of success that I was chasing after financial success, you know, positional success. Um. I wasn't really like I said when they said that, when they approached me, courage was the last thing on my mind. Because from my perspective. I was really saving myself from a place that I thought, if I stay in this situation, I'm either going to go go crazy, you know, have a nervous breakdown or things are just going to get so terrible in my life. I'm just going to insulate myself in this situation. I was getting fat. I was getting unhealthy because the ways that I was trying to take care of myself, to stay in the job were destructive. And I could see that happening. I could feel that happening. And. I think that, you know, courage is I mean, there are practices that you can do to stimulate courage, to access courage. And and a lot of that really is about tuning into what you what you actually feel in your heart brain. Right. We have three brains. We have our cranium brain, we have our heart brain, and we have our enteric brain or our gut brain. And we in this society pay a lot of attention to this brain. And I was really guilty of that being in the world that I was in. I started. I started my undergraduate as a drama major and I ended up graduating as a candidate, you know? I went all in for the head brain. Um. But if we don't integrate and create balance between those two other parts of ourselves that have lots of information that we need to learn how to listen to, we can find ourselves in some pretty unpleasant and uncomfortable situations and circumstances. So. Yeah, that's that's what I would say about that.

Daniel Aaron:
Well, yeah. Thank you. Part of what I heard from what you said, one of my favorite quotations attributed to Lazarus is if you can hear the whispers, you don't need to hear the screams. And it sounds like you were beyond the whisper stage. There was definitely some something louder than that getting your attention. However, what you pointed to is really cool, which is like you could see where this was going, right? I was getting fat. Maybe I was going to have a nervous breakdown, you know, and some of us are a little slower or denser than you, and we have to somehow take it to the point where things really break down or get into some heavy duty drama before we finally say, okay, okay, fine. Right, I'm here, I now I hear I'm going to do something different. And you mentioned in the midst of that something very tantalizing, which is there are practices you can do that encourage or stimulate courage. So what are you talking about? What kind of practices we want to know?

Madelana Ferrara:
I tend to like really simple things, and I think that simple, simple teachings can reach a lot of people. And I think that they never fail to engage us, no matter how experienced we are, no matter how many really exotic and advanced kinds of things that we've done, simple things will always provide something that it's like the whisper versus the scream, you know? So a really simple practice that people can do is just to sit quietly with themselves. And after a few minutes of sitting, just put attention on your heart. And literally, you know, sometimes you have to actually put your hand on your chest to bring your attention there. Now, about that, you know, I'll share a little story. I have a client who I'm working with this kind of practice with. And for this person, the practice of going to the heart is actually very difficult. So the mind starts to get really chattery. The brain starts to talk a lot. There's a lot of distraction. Going to the heart for this person makes the head go. Overdrive. And my comment to them was. Don't worry, because your body's not going to reveal anything that you're not ready to hear. It's not going to reveal something you're not ready to receive. And I saw them actually, like, pause for a moment and take that information in. Oh, that's so interesting. My body won't give me information that I'm not ready for yet. Okay, now, I don't know if that's like, oh, thank God or hey, I want to pursue that further kind of a moment for them. But really simple. Breathe into your heart. Breathe out of your heart. Put your attention there. Stay there for three minutes. Five minutes, ten minutes. Whatever you're comfortable with. And start to learn to to to notice. What does it feel like in there? What what are the sensations that are going on in there? And little by little that will turn into information for you. You can even ask, what do I need to know? What do you want me to know? Or talk to your heart and say? I have this issue, I have this question I can't resolve. I've been dealing with this problem. I have this person that I don't know how to deal with. Go in there and talk to your heart and then wait and expect an answer, and the answer will come.

Daniel Aaron:
Awesome. Beautiful. Okay, well that's exciting. And that brings a couple a couple key insights and something I'll ask you about. With that, maybe we can even have an experience. You mentioned earlier about the connection between courage and heart. So just in case it's not obvious for everybody, the, the the base word or part of the etymology of courage is core, right? Which French means heart. And I think about like Braveheart. Right. The, the the movie based on Sir Walter, Sir William Wallace and this great freedom fighter who in the movie was actually really beautifully displayed by Mel Gibson in that he, he had a lot of fear. There were times when he was really afraid, yet he was so motivated by his heart that he developed the ability to go beyond the fear. And that's part of what we all have. And I think you're pointing us toward we have that ability and also what you described there. Like I'll say, just in case anybody is like I was some years ago, which is like, oh, come on, enough with this new agey stuff and put your hands on your heart. Come on. You know, like, that's the way I thought, you know, it was a while ago, but I thought that way. I was like, that's just, you know, next thing you're going to be talking about energy and stuff you can't see. And. Right. So a lot of us don't grow up with that kind of stuff and it doesn't seem real. And yeah, it's you know, you can't touch that. However, there's this amazing body of science now and research pioneered by the Heartmath Institute that really points to what you're describing exactly, which is if you tune into simply pay attention to your heart. And I know that might sound like super new agey weird, yet it bears out not just in my own experience, and there's plenty of that, but it also bears out through the science and the research. It's fantastic and important. So what, Madalena, would you be up for actually guiding us with a little experience of that? Is that something that would fit for you? If not, it's okay. But if it is, you know, maybe just a minute or two of that, because what I understand from Heartmath is if you do that, if you pay attention for even like a minute or something as small as that, it really changes one's state and opens up a different level of awareness.

Madelana Ferrara:
Absolutely. I would be delighted to do that. Heartmath amazing, amazing organization. Yes, definitely. Let's do it.

Daniel Aaron:
Okay. Awesome. Cool.

Madelana Ferrara:
You want to do it now?

Daniel Aaron:
Sure. Why not? If you're up for it, let's, you know, let's I'll put myself on mute and bring you forward and and. Yeah. Let's go please.

Madelana Ferrara:
Okay. So just let yourself sit. If you can be sitting, that would be great. You don't have to be sitting. You can pause and stand but be so that your spine is straight. And then close your eyes. And allow yourself to take 2 or 3 deeper, slower breaths. And start to. Mentally tune in to where your heart is, where your heart lives. Inside your chest. And if it helps you, you don't have to put your hand or your hands there, but if it helps you, you can place one hand or both hands just on the center of your chest. And that's really just to help bring your attention there. And as you're breathing. Start to imagine that you're literally breathing right into the heart. Breathing in. And as you breathe in, bring in a feeling of. Coherence. Bringing a feeling of calm. Breathe in. And breathe out. And it can help if you visualize something. Or. If you think of someone that you love or really enjoy something that gives you a good feeling. Breathe in. Breathe out. And just for another 3 or 4 breaths. Allow yourself to cultivate that good, coherent feeling. Inside the heart space. You know, science knows and has. Revealed to us that the heart is actually more. The heart in your chest cavity is actually more intelligent than the brain. It actually gets the information before the brain. Our hearts receive and they transmit. So just take another two breaths in and out of your heart. Noticing what you might be receiving or what you might be transmitting. And then you can let your eyes open softly. Look down. Don't look up. And continue even with your eyes open to notice the feeling inside the chest cavity, inside the heart area. And then let yourself come all the way back. So if you notice any difference, any change in the way that you feel or any sense of connection with your heart, that's the beginning. And you can just begin to develop that relationship. So that you can start to listen. To what you feel inside, what the message messages are that are coming from inside for you.

Daniel Aaron:
Beautiful. Thank you.

Madelana Ferrara:
Thanks for letting me do that.

Daniel Aaron:
Yeah. That's great. And you know, we have the possibility here since we are live and people are tuned in and some people are watching by rebroadcast and that's okay too. But for anyone that's live here, if you would like to share anything of your experience or ask a question to Madalena about that, feel free to comment. And you know, and we can have a little moment of interaction around that. It's something that's always available on this show, though. I get so engrossed in the conversation with my guest, I forget that that's a possibility usually. So I love the experience of that. Madalena for myself and and I love what you said about the heart's intelligence as compared to the brains, which is, you know, it's so different than the way most of us were brought up with the primacy of the head and the importance of living in the head. I remember reading something from Gregg Braden years ago that and he has, you know, wonderful books and commentary on a lot of the same topics that we're speaking about. And one of the things he said is that the electromagnetic field of the heart is 5000 times bigger than the electromagnetic field of the brain. And I remember reading that and being like, wait a minute, I must have just blanked out. Let me reread that again 5000 times. Right. And and it wasn't a mistake. And I, you know, I did some research to be like, you know, come on. Is he just making that up? But it was based on real research. I can't cite it right now, so don't ask that. But it was, you know, such an important, amazing thing. And there's that thing that Joe Dispenza says, which I like too, is the the brain thinks, but the heart knows and, you know, and I think one of the things that we can all get from this simple exercise that's so easy to do, so powerful, is. The brain and the head is so, so geared toward the binary. It's this or this, it's this or this. Yet when we tune in here, there's this knowing available. There's this level of information or connection to self, what's really true for us that that always guides us correctly. Right. Does that make sense?

Madelana Ferrara:
It makes perfect sense and. There's always when you go to your heart, there's always a softening. You know, when we go into our heads, there's kind of a hardening and intensity that that sort of feels like like a laser almost, you know, but when you go to your heart. There can be this expansive experience. And so just on the feeling level, just on the feeling level, people can begin to connect with the difference. What we really have is we're sensory beings. And if we stay in our heads too much, we get cut off from the rest of our body, and so we lose our connection to the ways that we can actually feel. One of the things that I do in my work is some hands on work that I do with people, somatic therapy to help people begin to actually feel in their bodies again. Sometimes we lose connection with actually what the body is saying to us. And the your physical body is. Like your subconscious mind. It's holding all this information of everything that's ever happened. It's holding it in the tissue. It's holding it in the movement pattern. And so when we introduce a certain quality of touch and a certain quality of movement, we can help to relax this part of the, the, the nervous system and start to empower the other parts of the nervous system so that we can begin to adjust our vibration, our frequency. I don't know if that's too unscientific to say that like that in some, you know, I love the science and I'm really into it. I'm not so great in the moment at quoting where it came from or what the what the information is certain things. But as a practitioner, I know what I have experienced and I know what I have seen in my work with people. So. Coming back into the body in a way where we're actually perceiving what's happening in our bodies. Not like, not like a runner just using your body or a weightlifter just using your body, making your body do the things you want it to do. But but the somatic piece is I am feeling from inside my body. This is what I'm feeling. This is what I'm experiencing. I go into my heart. I have an experience in there. I have a sensation in there. And I can recognize that sensation. I can tune into it, I can name it, I can identify it. Now we start to give power and meaning. Deeper meaning to the to the voices, the inner guidance that's coming from inside of us. And then and then we can listen, and then we can make the changes that most of us desire to have change in our life in some way. Little or big.

Daniel Aaron:
Absolutely. Yeah. Beautifully said. I'm with you. I grew up with such a disconnect from my body. It was a huge, huge awakening to enter the body, ironically, as a way to go to the spirit, in a sense. But, hey, let's pause for a second because we got a comment, which I think is kind of a question in here. Um, and I'm curious to hear what you what you'll say in response to this, Satara says, I've noticed that in periods with stress, I'm not connected with my heart. And that kind of relates to what you just said. What what else? Is there more response you would want to give to that? I think that's something we can all relate to. Satara. Yeah. Like, you know, get stressed out, worried in fight or flight survival mode. And the heart's like it's gone. It's shut down.

Madelana Ferrara:
Yeah. I think that, um, first of all, I applaud you, Satara, for actually noticing that you notice in periods of stress that you're not connected to your heart because many people don't even have that much information. But, um, I want to, if I may, Daniel, I'd like to just talk for a minute about. The biological need that we have for connection. So you may have heard of the Polyvagal theory. We have two aspects to our to our autonomic nervous system. We have our sympathetic nervous system and we have our parasympathetic nervous system. Right. Two branches, if you will. And you've probably heard some of this terminology before, but. The sympathetic nervous system is often referred to as the fight or flight. Or in some, some teachers talk about it as the gas stepping on the gas right in your car. Sympathetic nervous system is also that part of our nervous system that makes us take action. So we need some sympathetic because we need to take action. The parasympathetic you've heard as rest and relax. But there's also the freeze aspect that can go on that's triggered by the parasympathetic nervous system. So Polyvagal theory says that this vagus nerve has two branches. The dorsal branch, which is the back branch, and the ventral branch which is the front branch. And it's this front branch that developed as a result of our evolutionary progress and our need for connection with one another. So the dorsal branch. I'll just talk about that for a minute. When we are when the threat that we experience right sympathetic is fight or flight, there's a threat. And we either are going to fight it or we're going to run away from it. Right. It's also on a on a lower level. We just need to take an action. The dorsal branch is. The threat is so great that the only hope is to play dead. So I'm going to going to hide in the closet, and I'm going to hold my breath and I'm going to just play dead. But there's another aspect to this, and that is the part of us that needs to connect. We need to connect biologically with one another.

Madelana Ferrara:
And we have the ability to connect literally, neurologically. Science tells us this. We have this ability to connect through this ventral vagal system, but we can only do it when we're relaxed. So to further the point that Satara makes when I'm stressed out, I can't access my heart, I can't connect, I can't reach out for connection. Which is the very thing that I need. So just think about that for a minute. We have a need, but the the stress of our situation. Impedes us from being able to fulfill or satisfy that need that we have. So this is where the kind of work that that Daniel and I do that can help. To, first of all, give us tools so that we can become more masterful with controlling our state. Learning how to relax. Learning how to relax is key because we can't connect when we're not relaxed. We're either hiding in the closet or we're in some state of I need to go. I need to, I need to run or I need to fight. We're not really in a place where we're open hearted and we're able to connect with another person. And our biology. Our biology needs this. We need this as humans. And this is where I think this is what's going on in the world right now. We need to get to the place where we realize that we need each other, that we need to find ways to connect with each other, that are safe and that are meaningful, so that we can make. Our own lives fulfilling, and we can make the world that we live in a satisfying place to be.

Daniel Aaron:
Nice. Beautifully said. And that's that's great. I love that you expanded beyond the common. You know, the common understandings about okay, well there's fight or flight. Sure. Yeah. We we've all heard that a million times. But yeah, there's also the freeze response to it. And when we go there, we lose the very thing that would be the healing for us, which is access to the heart, to the relaxation, the restoration. And you said something really important, which you use the words control your state. And part of what what I take that to mean, and the way I work with that is it's so powerful and liberating for us to know that we can literally change our state in the space of one breath, you know, and especially if we practice this periodically, like what you just guided us through, right. And go back and do that a few times or on a regular basis. Then there's literally the possibility that any of us can just pause in the midst of something, close our eyes, maybe put our hands on our heart, and even in the space of one breath can change our state. And to me, what's what's also very cool is there was a time in our life, especially when we were kids, that we maybe we didn't have the capacity to deal with upsets. We didn't have the ability to regulate our emotions or resource ourselves. So, you know, when a when a little kid gets upset and screams and cries, you know, we think, of course, you know, they haven't learned that part yet. But at this point in our lives, we have the resources. We have the strength, the intelligence to say, hey, you know what? It's pretty rare that something's actually threatening my life. I know, I know, it seems like that person being upset or that person saying that, or the traffic or the bills or whatever, I know it seems like it's life threatening, but it's not really. So let's let's come back. Let's remember.

Madelana Ferrara:
You know, Daniel, I would I would say that those moments where we go off the rails like that really are like vestiges or remnants of our child self. We didn't maybe get the tools that we needed, get the understanding that we needed to, to, you know, to know that we were safe to be given the feeling of safety in those moments when we were scared because maybe we were hungry and the nervous system was out of whack, or, you know, so if we don't learn, if we I'm so big on that. We need to be educated. We have to keep educating ourselves. Because if we don't learn what it means, what's going on with these, these sorry, these events that can happen in our body if we don't learn what they mean. Then we can't. Understand how to get ourselves out of them. Now, in a moment where somebody really flipped out because of the traffic, well, they just might need somebody to introduce some humor. You know, maybe they they could be brought out of that state of disorganization through humor. Or maybe somebody needs to commiserate with them. Oh, yeah. No, it's really terrible. But look, we got the radio. We can turn the radio on and play our favorite song or, you know, something like that, where an act of connection. Can. Undo that so powerful feeling that really is like a child. We kind of revert back to being like a child, just having a tantrum. Yeah. You know, that's that's not age dependent.

Daniel Aaron:
It's not it's true. And part of what I love in what you said there's so much is that it's again, we do have the capacity to switch in a moment right where we can be upset about it. And, you know, somebody makes a joke or introduces some humor, and then the whole situation changes and then we're laughing and just like, you know, I remember times when my daughter was was really young and I'd be grumpy about something, you know, and then I think every parent has done this thing a little bit, like, I think I see a little smile. I'm not smiling. I think it looks like, you know, because we have that natural drive in us to be like, it doesn't feel good to be in that upset. It hurts. Right. So or we've had it in, you know, in couple relationships where, you know, we're angry and that and then finally we go, oh, I'm sorry. The other one goes, I'm sorry too. We're like, oh gosh, why do we do that? I feel so much better now, right? Because it's so hard.

Madelana Ferrara:
To it's so hard to to see your your couple. Right. Your significant other. It's easier in the case of your child. But to see your significant other, right? They're an adult. They're supposed to know better, right? But what they're when they go into that state, what they really want is connection. What they really need is some loving outreach. And that's the thing. And I'm telling you, I'm learning it every day myself. I'm still working on this stuff myself, but how to not be triggered or irritated, but instead to offer some loving support to reach out. You know you would do it with a child. It would seem so natural to do it with a child. But we're all just little children and big bodies, you know, still trying to figure it out.

Daniel Aaron:
Well, you know, as you said, that last thing I'll say on this, but one of the things that's beautiful about the parent child relationship that can happen sometimes. And, you know, for me, my daughter's 16. So it doesn't happen this way that that much anymore. But when she was little and she would get upset, sometimes I would just open up my arms, right. And then I, you know, I wouldn't have to say anything. It was just, you know, let me embrace you. Let's get connected. And that's what you so eloquently spoke about earlier. That's what we really need. But somehow, you know, as we grow up, sometimes we we try and solve it from the very thing that's messing us up, which is the brain. And something I'm learning all the time, too, is I'm much better off oftentimes, especially if it's a significant woman in my life, to not say something and just allow or, you know, if possible, touch and allow the space. So before, oh gosh, time is flying along. But I want to return to one thing Sitara said in response to what you said, which is when I try to connect, I get very sad and I think connecting to the heart is what she meant with that. You know, we don't have much time left, but is there anything you want to say to that? That connecting to the heart that can bring sadness?

Madelana Ferrara:
I've seen it so many times. I've led workshops of, you know, giant groups of women, corporate settings. And I take these women into their hearts and, and they're crying and they come up to me after and they, they say exactly that. So. What I would tell you with the utmost love and care, is just to to consider the possibility that the sadness is better. Being expressed by your heart, then being held back. And if you can just. Be with it. Don't feel that you have to fix it. There's nothing to fix. Just allow your allow that part of you, the witness part of you to witness that information. That's sadness that's coming from your heart. And just be present with it. It will pass. It will turn into something stronger.

Daniel Aaron:
That's beautiful, very wise. And it reminds me sometimes when we feel a strong emotion, it scares us. Or it's like, I don't want it. And so we try and clamp it down and if we can just. Relax around it. It moves, it. Shifts, and it's just so liberating. Something that when I work with people on breath all the time, it's like, it's okay, you can feel this. You got the capacity for that now you can just let it be there. It's going to change. That's the nature of emotion, right? So, Madalena, time cranking along here. I know you very generously offered a gift for our audience. Would you be up for saying a word about what that is?

Madelana Ferrara:
I would be happy to. So I have offered if you go to my website, which is Madalena ferrera.com, and it's just the spelling of my name, no spaces. And you contact me through my website. If you would like to send an email with the Art of Vibrant Living, show either in your subject line or somewhere in the body of your email, I would be happy to offer a 30 minute remote consultation to either talk about something that we are dealing with on the show here, or something that got sparked in your mind and your awareness. Or perhaps, maybe just brainstorm about something that you're you're dealing with that you could use a little extra support with. I would be happy to offer you a 30 minute consultation as my guest. As a as a Yeah for your for your audience.

Daniel Aaron:
That's awesome. Super kind and generous of you. And y'all, I would suggest you do that right away. Be one of the first ones to get in there because that's an incredible, incredible gift. So thank you for that. And what else do you want to say, Madalena, in terms of I'm sure people will want to get in touch with you. We got your website, Madalena Ferrara, which is ADELANAFERARA0, my gosh, that's a mouthful. Right? But it's written there and I said it. You can you can replay it slowly other ways people can get in touch with you what's best. Yeah.

Madelana Ferrara:
You can you can reach me on Facebook and it's still the same name. Got that one til I'm till I'm done. But I also have I have a second business which is called Mind Your Body. So MIB LLC is the website there. So you can also reach me that way and LinkedIn and Instagram. I'm on both of those. What else? I have a YouTube channel and think if you Google me, you'll find me because I've been around for a while.

Daniel Aaron:
Perfect. That's great. Well.

Madelana Ferrara:
Don't. No, don't don't look too deep. Don't know what you're going to find if you Google me. No.

Daniel Aaron:
Well, let's.

Madelana Ferrara:
Get out there.

Daniel Aaron:
All right. Well, so as we're about to finish up, I would like to ask you one more question. It's the big question. It's the impossible question. It's so big that it's impossible. With your wealth of experience and knowledge, it's impossible that you could take all of that and answer this question. So given that it's impossible, you can't fail. So with that silly buildup, it would be okay if I ask.

Madelana Ferrara:
You don't know. I'm nervous.

Daniel Aaron:
Oh, excellent.

Madelana Ferrara:
How can I say no?

Daniel Aaron:
Okay, cool. So the question is this. You know, you've shared so much already here. If you were to boil it all down, all of your experience and knowledge and share with our audience one thing that they can do or not do or whatever it is that will most powerfully aid in creating a vibrant, thriving life. What's the one thing that you would offer?

Madelana Ferrara:
Non-judgment. Non-judgment. Do a non-judgment practice. Learn how to be curious. And let go of judgment, even if it's just as a practice, even if you don't embrace it every hour of the day. None of us are perfect. Learning how to be completely open to whatever comes without having any judgment, for it is going to open so many doors that you don't even know are there.

Daniel Aaron:
Beautiful. That's awesome. How did I do? Daniel. I love what you said. You know, one of the key practices for myself and I work with clients on is forgiveness. And. And that's sort of the counterpart to the fact that. Yeah, we've been judging. We got trained into judging. And yet, if we can forgive ourselves and forgive others and start to feel the glory and freedom of that, it starts to unwind this like, well, why would I want to create more things that I need to forgive? I could let go of that judging and just make things more spacious and freer. So I love what you said, that as a practice and to keep coming back to it.

Madelana Ferrara:
Forgiveness is a tough one.

Daniel Aaron:
It's so. Important. Yeah. And learnable. Right? Anybody can do it. It's it's it's within the realm. Yeah. So all that said, we are out of time, sadly. Madalena, thank you so much for being with us and for for the courage that you've had to to listen to the whispers. And, you know, sometimes the screams and to keep developing yourself and facing yourself and grow and make yourself into who you are. And then also the generosity of continually sharing more and more and helping people. It's really beautiful what you've created, and so appreciate that you've been here to share it with us on the show.

Madelana Ferrara:
Daniel. Such a joy to be with you. Really, really enjoyed it. Thank you so much and thank you to all the audience too.

Daniel Aaron:
Indeed, exactly what I was about to say. Y'all, thank you so much for being with us. Not only do I appreciate your attention, which is a great gift, I love, love, love that you are into it. You're into it being your vibrant life. And again, my best hope is that you take this information, take one gem or more and apply it in your life because you creating your life into even more of a masterpiece. It means something. It changes the world. I really appreciate y'all spending this time with us. Thank you so much and see you soon! Aloha! Mahalo for tuning in to the Art of Vibrant Living show, y'all! I'm Daniel Aaron and may you live with great vibrancy.

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