The slow work of God
I’m on my own now.
September 7th has come and gone. September 7th, the anniversary of my youngest brother’s birth.
That figured in to the timing of my Lakshmi sadhana. I needed to complete chanting this slightly complicated and unfamiliar mantra 125K times by the end of August - beginning September. There were supposed to be some auspicious, planetary transits that were significant for me and Rick around that time.
You see, our teacher is convinced that Richard and I are fated to have a happy ending and that we’ve already traversed so much hardship that it’s unlikely we will fail here. But we, unequivocally, need the help of our guides. Both the ones in spirit as well as those in body. With the afflicted conditions we both have in our 7th house, the house of marriage or one-on-one relationships, there is no way we can go it alone here. There has been no rest for this weary couple even with the support of my devoted prayers.
When I calculated how many repetitions I could do each day using the timing guidelines and the moon cycle, I discovered that the new moon occurred right around the birthday of my deceased ‘baby’ brother. I couldn’t ignore that timing. Maybe I figured it would be some kind of a tribute to Daniel’s life and death to end on his date. Maybe it felt like an auspicious date for me to end a spiritually rigorous practice in memory of someone who lived such a “rigorous” and difficult life. I’m not totally sure, but I do recall that when all the pieces came together and they landed on September 7th, there was no question that I must absolutely do this sadhana in this timing.
“Trust in the slow work of God”
Call me an optimist. For most of my life I’ve considered myself one. After this sadhana, though, I have questioned the veracity of that. To establish the accuracy of my self-assessment, I did a little bit of research to see just exactly what it means to be an optimist. I found there are a lot of opinions about optimists and optimism. I was surprised to find that being optimistic isn’t always the best choice. Some of us optimists subject ourselves and others to unrealistic expectations based on our optimistic views. One of the outcomes I discovered in the sadhana journey was that, in relationship, we must learn to manage our expectations of others. I do believe that sometimes the expectations I hold might be based on unrealistically optimistic viewpoints. The resulting disappointment can drive conflict when our partner cannot fulfill our imagination of them.
Other bells rang in my optimism investigation. For example, according to one article that lists 15 qualities of an optimist, forgiveness is a characteristic that prevents optimists from getting stuck in the past.
Forgiveness provides freedom from having to carry around the weight of what is done and gone. This one was more of an alarm bell than a pleasant chime.
Forgiveness is something that I work at. May I emphasize and reiterate the word work?
On a weekly basis, I practice an ancient Hawaiian problem solving technique. I have been doing the practice for quite a few years. It’s most commonly known as the Ho’Oponopono and much of what it involves is a process of forgiveness. Dr. Hew Len, who brought this method into notoriety with his successful application of it in a maximum security prison in Hawaii, calls it a “cleaning technique”. This powerful practice is something that I do for myself and for my clients as a way of helping to shift energy in seismic proportions. And despite doing this regularly for years I find, at times, that forgiveness can still be challenging for me.
The optimist in me expected that I would do my sadhana for 90-days and somehow the light of dawn would inspire a lasting shift that would quickly and permanently change the quality of the interactions between me and Richard. Here’s where that optimistic attitude can do me in. Despite the fact that quantum mechanics is powerful and the quantum field is a great big playground where lots of changes can be effected with virtually no effort, the path of those quantum waves solidifying into particles and traversing through the field into matter can take time. How much time? Well that depends on the density of the karma that is being penetrated and the willing and readiness of all the parties involved. (Remember they have their individual karmas, as well.) Ergo I introduce the concept of trust.
The teacher Osho spoke at length about the concept of trust. He denigrated faith and elevated trust. He spoke of faith being accidental and trust being a product of love. Here is a thought-provoking article that will likely challenge some of your thinking on faith, trust, love and belief.
When Teilhard de Chardon says to “trust in the slow work of God,” he alludes to the mystery. How we change, when we change, if we change is not always drawn by straight lines. For most of the time, the lines are anything but straight. I went to New York at 17 years old as a drama major intent on performing on Broadway. Through a mighty circuitous path, I emerged as a C.P.A. There were no straight lines despite all of the very linear thinking involved in achieving a business degree. The path that brought me there didn’t end there. If it had, I’d likely be dead today a victim in the 9/11 tragedy working on the 106th floor of that North Tower. No, that path continued and wound its way through multiple companies, multiple graduate programs, careers, relationships, marriages and here I am today doing a sadhana to resolve the burdensome karma that contaminates my present life and its several marriages. Not the straight line path I had plotted for myself. But it was trust that moved me along on my way. Trust in myself, trust in God and trust in the process of life.
If I have days where forgiveness is elusive and trust is far from my grasp (and I do), these are the days that force me to grow. In the bigger picture I want to grow. In the moment I may resist it with all of my strong, sturdy Italian heels dug deeply into my ground. Perhaps I should take comfort in the words of de Chardon. The slow work of God might actually be easier to survive than the proverbial lightning bolt quickening me into my next evolution.
As slow as our progress can sometimes seem, this past generation or two, referred to as “the quickening” have been anything but comfortable. I wonder if I can take greater comfort in the slowness and let go of the urgent desire for straight lines and neatly tied bows? There is never a shortage of growth-provoking intentions and practices for one to consider.
Wondering if you are primarily optimistic? Check out these 15 characteristics and see how many apply to you.
- Pick 1 or 2 max that you want to improve upon and set your intention to strive toward that characteristic for the next 30 days.
- Post little reminders around and on your phone to inspire you to remember.
- Then see how you score yourself at the end of the 30 days.