CHANT - 90-Days of Devotion
““Trust in the slow work of God”
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I’d probably be as happy as a lark if I just did my practices and didn’t have to face my karma through the mirror of relationship.
90 Days has come and gone.
In the wake of my sadhana, I am a much more calm and internally peaceful person than I was both before I began, and throughout much of the time of this practice. I am experiencing a greater sense of clear vision (clairvoyance), too.
People are asking me if I miss it?
In the last 6 weeks of the devotional practice, I had graduated from routinely getting up at 5:00 or 5:30AM for my first chant to matching my chanting to the Venus hours throughout the day as much as I possibly could. This meant that I was getting up at all different hours of the early morning to do my first chant of the day.
Some days the Venus hour was at 1:51AM and others it was at 4:36AM. And everything in between. I couldn’t always manage to make all of my sittings coincide with the various Venus hours throughout each day, but I did my best. This made practice really exciting for me. And I think it made it really hard.
When I shared this update with my teacher, Aghori Ekesvara Shiva Baba, he seemed impressed with the boldness of my choice. He commented that I was “really in it!” That I was really stirring the pot!
From the start I intended to succeed in my devotional practice. I expected to dig deep and to achieve mastery over whatever it is that has been cursing my marriage relationships. I saw the path and I was ready for this to end – whatever the cost. Little did I know just what that all meant.
Yes, it was brutally challenging and some moments were heavy enough to make me seriously consider quitting. Not quitting the sadhana. Quitting the relationship!!!
Isn’t that ironic? Were it not for the relationship with all of its many, many, MANY challenges, there would be no need for a sadhana. I’d probably be as happy as a lark if I just did my practices and didn’t have to face my karma through the mirror of relationship.
After all of this investment in myself, I’m here now to tell you that relationship IS the way that we discover our karma so that we can face it. And facing our karma is the real reason that we are here. Oh yeah, I would love to believe that we incarnate to enjoy a life of play and an ongoing existence of light-hearted irresponsibility. And I did attempt to live a good number of my earlier years dedicated to this vision. But it never worked out so well for me.
There was this recurring pattern that played out more than once and the time had come when I could no longer ignore it. I couldn’t continue to believe that it was his fault, or their fault or just my bad luck. It was time for me to recognize how it was my fault. Discovering my role and my participation became the end game. And, in a way, I had to see it as a game in order to stay in it. Yes, love’s a crazy game.
I am grateful to my teacher who repeatedly redirected me to look at my own karma as the reason I was in this pattern. He steered me away from my narrative and back toward the work. And the work was empowering. The sadhana gave me purpose. It gave me a way to feel as if I had some sovereignty over my own future. And that is invaluable.
So, to the question: Do I miss it? The answer is that I really do. What started as a sure and certain path to creating a happy marriage with my partner, turned out to be a winding road through a swampy, mucky path of karmic terrain that lead me to a place of greater self-knowing.
By my taking up the commitment to this sadhana, it changed the playing field. Richard saw me anew. He dug in even more to his own self-study. He deepened his respect for me (which was one of the long-time frustrations that I railed for) and, somehow in the now-7-day- wake of my practice, we are both seeming to feel more understanding of ourselves and each other. Our conversations are more deep, real and revealing.
I want to reinforce something that I’ve said in my earlier postings about putting the focus on myself rather than on him. While it’s easy to identify our “other” as the one who is wrong, and sometimes it’s clearly true that they are, we will remain stuck in the muck of our own pattern – until we turn a watchful eye upon ourself.
When given the opportunity to write the words again, we have to choose a different story. If we continue to choose the same storyline, we will end up suffering the same pain.
Am I glad my sadhana is now behind me? Absolutely!!! Yes, I would do it again, but I hope that I do not have to. Not that sadhana, anyway. I know there will be others. I’m already planning the next two or three, but for now I am resting in the moments of peace, insight, and connection that Richard and I have been afforded by my commitment to my 90-Days of devotional prayer.
The future none can see and yet, our patterns reveal our future if we are discerning and discriminating. These are the fruits of a solid and committed practice and, since All in Love is Fair, we really can’t afford to miss the clues along the way. (Speaking of clues, be sure to click on that link and enjoy 3:42 of amazing talent!)
Post Script
Friends,
My sadhana wasn’t the biggest nor the boldest of the spiritual practices, but to you it may sound quite extreme. I created this practice for myself so that I could master a specific, personal challenge to which I was ready to commit. I knew what it would take and I was ready for that level of devotion. But practices come in all shapes and sizes. Are you looking for help to overcome or master something in your life? If I can help you to design and shape a personal sadhana, one that would be the right level of commitment for you and one that will clearly provide the answer you seek, reach out to me and let’s decide if my services are right for you.